


No homo

by Breathable_Air



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 21:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/778242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breathable_Air/pseuds/Breathable_Air
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert was moving up in the school ranks from being in the junior high section to the high school section of the boarding school he attended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John

**Author's Note:**

> blehhh this is a bit rough since i never actually sat down to organize my thoughts or anything (or think up less cheesy content. or more content in general but whatever) (and im still getting the hang of this site so yeah, things are weird)

John Egbert was moving up in the school ranks from being in the junior high section to the high school section of the boarding school he attended. He looked at himself in the full body mirror looking at the new blazer and tie required by the school as part of his uniform. The tie he chose had a plaid pattern with light blue as a background and darker blue stripes. He tucked the end of the tie into the plain black blazer that was supplied to all the students before leaving the room. He stepped into the hallway which was a straight shot to the front door and headed in its direction. Quickly he was intercepted as a blond boy stepped out of the bathroom door from the left with just shades and a towel hanging limply from the waist on his steaming body. “Dave,” he gasped from the surprise.

“What? Did you think I was some raging douche who wanted to murder you after I took a shower?” he said, poker face perfectly in place.

“Maybe for a second, but now I know you’re just a raging douche” John said with a bit of a chuckle towards the end though he tried to play it cool like Dave. He took a step forward to where he could actually feel Dave’s breath “scuse me” he said when the blond didn’t move.

“Where ya going so early in the morning John?” Dave had been telling john not to sign up for the study group because it was just making him an easier target, but that obviously didn't stop John.

John gulped, “I-” he thought about lying but Dave could always tell so he decided against it “Dave,” he sighed “my grades really need to be good this year”. Dave slid his hands onto the walls on either side of him, his elbows making acute angles. John thought about how small the hallways were and that he should take that up with someone on the student council or something. Dave stepped forward this time and pressed his bare chest up against John for a mere second before John took a hasty step backward. John groaned in aggravation as Dave steered them both into his room which was on the left in between johns room and the bathroom. Dave had always done things that seemed homosexual for ironic purposes for as long as John could remember. Now in the much larger space Dave no longer had control over where John moved, so he dodged Dave as soon as his hands dropped from the door frame and shouted a goodbye as he left for the school building.

“Shit!” was the first thing John heard when he entered the lobby. He turned to the source and saw a small angry boy with dark brown hair, staring at the watch on his wrist and running up behind him all the way down the hall. The boy had to be a freshman because he looked like an elementary student, but being in high school was the only way he could get in the dorm. John turned back to the glass doors at the front of the lobby in order to stop staring and focus on what he was doing. He put his hand on the handle pushing it open slightly before there was an impact from behind causing him to tumble forward with a noticeable amount of extra weight on his back. Landing on his forearms and stomach with the extra weight caused his skin to break open a bit and prickle with blood. The stinging sensation convinced him to get off his elbows as fast as he could. Right as he was about to talk to the person who fell on top of him the presence lifted and offered his hand by throwing it into John’s view. John followed the outstretched arm to the owners face. It was the small angry boy who was in a hurry. John considered that fact and gratefully took his hand. As John stood next to him he realized he was a good 2 inches taller than him, but only had to look down a bit since they were both fairly short.

“Weren't you in a hurry to get somewhere?” John asked remembering the earlier sight.

“Fuck it. Who cares anymore if I'm late on the first day of school because my idiot roommate was screwing around with all the electronics, including our alarm clocks, last night.” his voice was in a constant growl, sort of raspy, and his facial expression just said 'this is stupid' all over it.

A smile starts to form on John’s face as he says, “well he must have messed with your watch too because school doesn't start for another hour.” The boy's expression changes now so that his eyebrows raise into his messy hair covering his forehead.

He gets his act together and says, “then I guess I ran into you for no reason”.

“I don't know maybe there was a reason. Maybe fate brought us together to be friends?”

“Fate isn't going to bother making people friends when it has more important things to deal with. Fate would rather pair people up to get married than waste its time trying to get you friends.”

“Hey its trying to get you friends too! Or,” John chuckled, “maybe we're meant to be together!”

“You hardly know me and you're already trying to hit on me.”

“What? No, I just, I was using logic, or at least I thought I was,” John sighed and scratched at the back of his neck, “since you say I hardly know you, could you at least tell me your name?”

“No fucking way. Then you're going to insist on being my friend and I don't know if you'd be worth the trouble your needy self will bring me.”

“I think it'll be worth it .” He cracked a smile and meant what he said because he kind of liked the guy. He was funny. Now with a bit more sarcasm he said “My name is John Egbert and I'm the one fate has paired you with.”


	2. Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my beginning chapters are never the best; it all seems forced 0^0 (because i just want to get to smut and flirting)

IT HAD BEEN WEEKS OF THE SAME OLD SHIT. On the first day of school, the day he had bumped into John, he found out that he had the majority of his classes with the dip fuck. They even sat right next to each other in english class, so when the teacher announced they were doing a partner project, John began excitedly waggling his eyebrows at him. Karkat had to go with his best option since out of everyone John was the most tolerable and had decent logic at times. Besides, John insisted they were friends and Karkat could tell he wasn't going to back down, so it might as well come in handy. So everyday after school he went to Johns dorm and they sat on the couch focusing on the project. Sometimes they would get bored and would talk about movies (which they both said each other had awful taste). Or John would play the piano for Karkat and Karkat would guess the song. 

They had been making pretty good progress until one Thursday John's roommate came home while Karkat was still there. When the guy walked in he had this aura of ‘total prick’ and Karkat couldn't imagine John being friends with him. After taking only a two second pause he strode right up to Egbert and pressed his lips onto the other boys. Not friends and not what he was expecting. At first John made muffled cries of confusion, so Karkat felt like they were in the same boat, but those sounds slowly faded away and were replaced by small noises of... those noises soon vanished too because John had finally pushed his roommate away. Their bright faces held a stare for a few seconds longer before John shrieked “Karkat!”

He jumped at his name being called and looked up from the ground to John's warm face. He'd never seen his face so flustered and he hated it. It disgusted him. With a bit of anger welling up inside of him, he snapped “What?”

John looked down at the ground as he said “umm,” obviously ashamed, “I think maybe you should leave and I guess I'll see you tomorrow, right?” his eyes glistened with just a bit of shameful hope.

“Yeah, I'll just leave you here alone in this room with your boyfriend so you can do things without some nuisance sitting right there.”

Karkat turned to leave, but John hastily spat out, “Wait! Karkat! Maybe you should stay and Dave should leave.” 

Before he could even turn back around he heard 'Dave' say, “but John. He said he would leave. And then it would be just me and you. Alone. In a room. With nobody.”

Peeving Karkat once more, John flushed a bit before saying, “Ew, Dave. No homo. Get out.” he thought for a second before adding, “please.” 

Dave managed to respond, “I'm getting a refund on my homo when I get back tonight.” before he left, leaving the two of them alone again.

“My continuing to be here is unnecessary. We don’t have to finish the project tonight.”

“I thought you would want to talk to me about what just happened.” John said in all seriousness.

“...No homo?” Karkat questioned, not believing it for a single second. 

“Uh, yeah. Dave only does that kissing thing for ironic purpose and I just don't really fight it anymore because its not like hes hurting me or anything unless..” he blushed, recalling something between him and Dave that Karkat would not want to know about. “but its still technically straight because its not like I'm in love with him or anything.”

“...Whatever I'm done here and exhausted. I don't believe a word you just said, but I'll see you tomorrow and I’ll get the answers from you if I decide I care.” he turned promptly and left John alone with only the newfound silence.

When he got back to his dorm he realized how late it actually was when he saw Sollux sleeping on the couch as usual when Aradia or Feferi were over. Passing Sollux's door he saw the flavor of the night was Feferi. That's what he thought until he opened his door and saw Aradia in his bed. He wasn't even the one who got to trace their curves, yet he had to pay the punishment and go sleep on the futon-couch with Sollux if he could even wake him up. He lightly stepped back down the hallway and pushed sollux onto one side of the pullout and crawled under the blankets.

When he walked into English the next day he could see John diligently awaiting his arrival, so he quickened his pace with determination to get it over with. He was curious about one thing though, "are you and Dave dating?" 

John heard the voice from behind him and froze, not ready for this unrehearsed intrusion. He quickly gathered his wits about him and said, "No, of course not, Dave is a guy and I'm a guy and I'm not homosexual and I don't think Dave is either, he just does those things ironically and he's my best bro so I'd like to think he'd tell me if there was anything sincere about those, uh, moments." 

"You mean those gay as hell moments that you don't do anything about and you say you're only tolerating because it’s “ironic”. Those moments?"

"Y-yeah... Those." 

Karkat was a bit frustrated with John. Not only was he uneducated about what irony really was, but that the kid was making things more difficult for himself than they needed to be and one day it was all just going to bite him in the ass. He should just grow up and face his own reality already. But John probably wouldn't take the good advice if Karkat threw it in a box and a slapped a free sign on it. At least not at this point in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dunno guys its fanfiction stuff just happens


	3. John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the dialogue is be a bit hard to follow

Things had been different between John and Karkat since Dave had kissed him. Karkat seemed a bit further away and it was bugging John to think that some stupid kiss that didn’t even mean anything would ruin their friendship. On his way to gym he decided he would do whatever it took to get closer to karkat again. He walked just a bit quicker than usual to the locker rooms because he knew karkat would be there. Inside the locker rooms he found karkat changing into his bathing suit and decided it would be better to wait for him to have pants on again, so he started changing himself. Karkat didn’t have the same idea because as he was pulling his pants off Karkat came over to talk to him.

“Hey” Karkat said nonchalantly, probably because he had some goddamn pants on.

“Just had to talk to me with my pants off, didn’t you?”

Karkat looked away and said “I didn’t have to talk to you at all, but you’ve been dancing around me for the past week and it’ll take forever if you want me to sit around and wait for you to man up. If that will even happen.”

“How is it you still question my masculinity when my pants were literally on the ground a second ago?” John asked as he secured his swimsuit for the pool they were about to dive into.

“Whatever, it’s not that impressive.” Karkat’s cheeks lit a little as he directed the subject, “So what do you have to say so badly you act like a preschool kid whos gotta go potty?”

“Well, I just felt like hanging out with you. Like outside of school. And I’ve never been to your dorm room, so...”

“The reason you haven’t been to my dorm before is because my roommate and his two girlfriends like to use up the small amount of space we actually have in our room.”

“The dorms are small! You should come with me sometime to take it up with the student... Wait. Did you say your roommate has two girlfriends? And they’re okay with that?”

“Yes he does and I guess they are? I’ve never heard them complain, but anyway you could come over today since Feferi and Aradia have club things on wednesdays.”

“Uh, yeah, that sounds... awesome...why was that so easy?”

“What I’m just being a good friend.”

“And you’re saying we’re friends! Karkat, are you okay?”

“John, calm down. Do you want me to take it all back or something? Besides, there is a bit of a catch so I’m not just being nice, you’re going to have to earn it.”

“What’s the catch?”

“Just have to help me with some simple laundry” Karkat allowed the words to slide from his mouth in such a calm manner that when John got to Karkat’s dorm and saw the horrendous mess he and his roommate had made, he actually felt like punching Karkat. 

So he did, but only in the shoulder. “Karkat, I don’t even think this is a legal form of torture!”

“You’re the one who’s been following me around with saucers for eyes just begging for a way to be my lapdog!”

“I wasn’t begging to be your lapdog, I just wanted to hang out with you. Is that really so much to ask?”

Karkat didn’t have some witty retort to whip out, but instead just began instructing him on what to do. John looked inside the roommates room, “What did you say your roommates name was?” He shouted to Karkat who was in another section of the dorm.

“I’ll give you my name in exchange for yours.” A new voice with a slight lisp made an appearance behind John. The boy turned around to get a look at the stranger and found he had a forked tongue that was slightly protruding from his thin lips. He was also tall and wore small rectangular glasses that were just barely touched by his choppy bangs. 

"Uh, sure. My name is John." He extended his arm, remembering his manners.

"Sup John, my name is Sollux." He accepted the hand and gave it a hearty shake. "You Karkat’s boyfriend?"

"No," he replied just a bit faster than necessary, "we're just friends. Besides I'm out of his league." He said with the most smug smile.

"Excuse me, moron." Karkat joined them in the room, which was starting to grow a bit hot.   
"I'm the one who's obviously out of your league with my superior intelligence and good looks."

John snorted, feeling more comfortable with a familiar face in the room. "I'll have you know-"

Sollux cut him short to get down to business "yeah yeah ladies, you tie for miss universe, now. Why are you in my room again?"

"Laundry. Why else would I ever step foot into this pit of a room?" 

“Maybe you’ve got some weird fetish for looking at amazing technology because that’s all I got in here.”

“More like mediocre technology and bumblebee underpants that still fit you even though you were five when your mother bought them for you. Eat some fucking food.”

“Kk, you’re not my mother. I don’t see you buying me any special underpants.”

“I don’t have money to waste on covering your naked ass when it gets cold at night and all you have to keep you warm is your codes.”

“And my two hot girlfriends which is more than you’ll ever have. You couldn’t even get this chump to go out with you apparently.” Sollux gestured toward John, reminding both himself and Karkat that he was there. John held his eyes for a second before Karkat replied.

“Do you think I’m that desperate? He’s the one begging for me.”

“Karkat! I told you I just wanted to hang out! It’s not like I’m putting a condom on right now!”

Sollux chuckled and John felt a little embarrassed at his outburst. “I approve,” Sollux stated with a bit of a grin as he scooped up a pile of crunchy clothes and shoved it into Karkat’s arms “Now get the fuck out of my room, Kk. And don’t trip on my cords or you’ll ruin everything.” John went to follow Karkat out of the room, but was stopped by sollux “You can come back to my room whenever you feel like it as long as you and Karkat aren’t a thing.”

“Don’t you have girlfriends?”

“Yeah, but theres always room for a shota.”

“What’s a-”

“John. Do you ever do anything, besides stand around and look stupid? Or is that your only profession?”

“Do you ever say anything nice?”

“Doesn’t get stuff done any more efficient than the way I do it. Now quit hitting on everything that moves and lets go. I’ve got the laundry no thanks to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please forgive me for making john the center of the universe that everyone wants to fuck and the shota thing was a joke and i dont know how it got there


	4. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals so this is probably my only update for a while and its not even that good o^o

When John finally got home from Karkat’s dorm, Dave had company over that were planning to stay awhile. Rose stood up and took the liberty of introductions before Dave had a chance. “Hello, John. My name is Rose, I’m Dave’s cousin, and this is my friend Kanaya.” Rose put her pale hand on Kanaya’s dark skin. It was funny how they were opposites of a mirror like that. With Rose’s short blond hair that framed her face and Kanaya’s dark short hair that flipped out. They acted a lot alike in the way that they walked with an air of intelligence. 

“Hi, What brings you here?” Dave noticed that John still did that staring thing, though it has gotten better. 

Dave spoke up this time, “they need a place to stay until Sunday, so they’ll be using your room which means you’ll be staying with me.”

“Nice try, I’ll sleep on the pull out.” John offered to the figurative table.

“It’s not very comfortable since we lost the mattress. You’ll be crawling to me in no time.” And Dave was right, he only made it until Friday night when he gave in and came crawling to Dave’s bed in the middle of the night, like a mistress having an affair with the king. Little Joan doesn’t want to get caught doing the dirty, but the ole king here just keeps her coming back for more. Of course by coming back he really meant being there for the first time, so they were going to have the best sleepover. And for the sake of being cliché, he would start with a prank.greek gods

Dave snuggled up against him, making sure John felt his manhood from beneath his diamond patterned pajama pants. Dave could just imagine the redness on John’s face, but was interrupted from the delightful thought by a noise. Was that panting? Yes, it was, but the mewling wasn’t coming from john. It was coming from the other room containing Rose and Kanaya. Daves first instinct was to give props to rose, but then the moans got louder and more intrusive Before they finally stopped altogether.

“Dave... could you maybe give me some space?” Dave said nothing in return of the plea, but instead sat up and straddled John on his upper thighs. “Dave, you jerk, have you been awake this whole time?”

“Of course I’d never miss this opportunity.”

"What opportunity?! To be on top of me when I'm trying to sleep? Seriously Dave maybe another time." He scoffed, trying to roll over but Dave clutched his thighs over Johns to keep him from squirming so much. "Um."

"Bro. We're making this happen. Tonight." Dave smirked knowing full well what the whole experience was doing to John. 

"Making what happen?" Dave slid his hands down Johns stomach and leaned forward to kiss his jawline. Unfortunately John proved to be resistant as he had been in the last couple of weeks. It made it less fun, but Dave knew how to increase the pleasure. Dave nibbled softly on Johns neck and licked lightly at the reddened spots, feeling the tension in Johns body beneath him. Dave skidded his tongue over John’s clavicle but found his path obstructed by his ghost slime pajama shirt. He tugged at the bottom of John’s shirt to pull it over his head and threw it to the floor when it was out of the way. He stared at John’s half naked body, feeling his prominent hip bones under his thumb of the hand He had wrapped around his hip. The other hand however was trailing slowly down his side. Dave continued kissing down where he left off until he got to his nipple and flicked it with his tongue being awarded with a soft noise from John who instantly clapped his hand over his mouth. 

Dave, smirking, twists it between his thumb and index finger while rubbing his groin on Johns upper thighs forcing him to remove his hand to better breathe through his mouth but catching his breath a bit when Dave scooted forward to be directly on top of Johns growing bulge. Before John was aware of what he was doing he moaned Dave’s name catching them both off guard. Finally, Dave ducked his head so his lips met John’s and he slid his tongue into his mouth finding Johns tongue also sliding into his mouth. This was an entirely new experience because over three years, whenever Dave would kiss John, he would just sit there and let himself be kissed. But this time he was kissing back and he was good. While their tongues were dancing Dave noticed Johns boner growing even larger beneath his own so he snaked his hand down johns flat stomach to the waistband of his matching green ghost slime pajama pants. 

Startled, John slightly bit Dave’s lower lip that he had been sucking on and then parted their lips. John, licking his lips from the saliva said in a rushed whisper “D-dave! I told you, I’m not homosexual!” 

Dave sighed at the bright faced boy and said “That’s what you keep saying, but...” he slips his hand into Johns boxers that undoubtedly corresponds with the rest of his attire and grabs his shaft squeezing slightly, John moaning and throwing back his head in response. “Your body says differently.” 

John’s blush latched tightly to his face and shone as he looked at Dave, pouting “That’s not fair I can’t help it when…” he mumbled the lasts words away from Dave. 

“When you’re what?” Dave said, curious. John turned under Dave so he was laying on his stomach folding his arms under the pillow that he mumbled the words into again. Dave leaned down to John’s ear and whispered, “What did you say?” his breath shaking John’s spine and he added a playful nip at the end for good measure. Dave’s breath reddened the tips of John’s ears. 

Adrenaline pumping, John plopped his chin on the pillow and shouted “I said I’m fucking turned on alright!” An echo seemed to sound in the silence until Rose and Kanaya burst out into laughter in the other room. John grunted in frustration in the further embarrassment, burying his face in the pillow again. Dave leaned down and kissed the back of John’s neck and John twitched a bit in acknowledgement. Dave got off of him and sighed as he left the room because he knew that even though John’s body responded that way his heart never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably start developing a plot...


	5. John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many days have passed?! too many! I've been really into other things i'm writing like non fan fiction things. crazy i know. I just have not been too into this story.

It all washed over John in the morning as he woke and recalled the events of the previous night. Dave sat in a squishy bean bag chair only feet away from John playing video games. Call of duty was his go to game since he was the one person who actually liked first person shooters. He decided he should just get it over with. “Dave... about last night...”

“Relax. I’m not going to take your virginity until we’re both of legal age.”

John laughed awkwardly then said, “I’m having trouble seeing the irony in that...” He realized that it probably wasn’t irony he was doing these things for. Dave probably did a lot of things sincerely and masked it all with irony. Like sunglasses for his actions. John rubbed the back of his neck feeling a bit uncomfortable, “Listen. You’ve gotta help me sneak out of here before I have to face Rose and Kanaya. I mean I just met them yesterday and they heard me say that thing last night! Oh my god I’m gonna die without leaving a good impression on anyone. Remember when you met me? Stupid squiddle incident.”

“John. You could probably leave before they wake up, but you might not make it if you keep talking.”

“Oh. Ok.”

Dave poked his head out the door and looked both ways before signaling john to go for the front door. The attempt was successful even though he stopped in the kitchen for his sweatshirt and a pop tart. Breakfast is important.

He ran through the hallway and the lobby and sprinted outside, feeling the fall air surround him. It was only Saturday morning and the girls were staying the entire weekend. He couldn’t just avoid them the entire time so he called up Karkat to see if he wanted to work on the project or just hang out. 

“John. You. Asshole.” Is apparently how karkat answers his phone. “In case your abnormally small brain doesn’t already contain the information, it is early on a saturday morning and there are better things for me to be doing than explaining to you relevant time. Like sleeping.”

His voice was scratchier than usual so it was obvious John just woke him up.

“You already know I’m as sorry as I can be so can I come over to work on the project or maybe just hangout.” He could hear Karkat sighing on the other end. Or maybe going back to sleep. “Karkat?” 

“Whatever, you barge in on my life all the time. Why should now be any different? Hell, Why are you even bothering to ask?”

“It’s just the polite thing to do I guess.”

“Polite? What is that? Manners? John, you know about those?”

John laughed. Karkat wasn’t as tough when he just wakes up. He’ll keep that in mind.  
“Isn’t it also polite to bring some fucking coffee when you loiter at others’ houses?” 

“No way, I’m pretty sure you’re just making that up for free stuff.”

Karkat hung up and though he didn’t want to John got coffee. He didn’t know what they’d want so he just got black and a bunch of stuff to put in it. Coffee wasn’t really up his alley so he just stuck with his pop tart.

When he got there the door was unlocked like karkat said it would be so he just stepped in. He traveled to the back of the dorm where the bedrooms were set up and peeked in the first door to see an empty unmade bed a completely filled bookshelf and a computer with papers all around (not to mention cords all over the floor), but no Sollux. What a waste of coffee. Starbucks is expensive. He then stepped to the end of the small hallway intersection of a bathroom and two bedrooms to peek his head into the other room. 

There was karkat, curled into a ball of black blankets with his phone on his pillow. It was already past nine so John figured he’d just sit on his bed till he woke up only about five minutes passed and John got bored of just watching Karkat’s chest raise up and down. He got up and looked around a bit noticing a few simpler hacker codes near his computer that even John had mastered. Karkat had a few posters for some really shitty romcoms and a pile of even shittier ones next to his TV, but Karkat didn’t seem like the type of person to enjoy romance movies. It was kind of cute he looked through most of them before he remembered the coffee wouldn’t even be warm if he didn’t wake Karkat soon. 

He stepped back over to his bed and nudged him a little calling out his name. Karkat jumped, swatting the air in front of him scratching john on his neck. 

“Shit, Karkat!” John yelped in surprise. 

“Jesus, you shouldn’t wake me up! That’s, like, rule number one around here. It’s not that you can’t murder someone or plan world domination it’s that you can’t wake me up.”

“Yeah Karkat I accept your apology, thanks.”

“I just didn’t know it was you. okay? Then I would’ve kicked you in the balls. Really do some damage.”

“Oh come on Karkat you know you like me.” John waggled his eyebrows and he must’ve taken the joke too far because Karkat’s face turned red. Most likely with anger.

He lifted the coffee as some sort of reconciliation device and said, “I hope you like coffee, I got one too many. And sorry if it’s a little cold.”

He grabbed one and took a sip. “How long did you spend watching me sleep? It’s like sipping the tundra!” He took Karkat’s cup and swallowed the mouthful of dirt to feel the temperature.

“Are you kidding me? It’s still lukewarm! Don’t be such a drama queen.”

“I know someone who will love the coffee no matter what, Lady Egbert.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should consider writing at sometime other than 2 in the morning when everything is sloppy


	6. Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY YOU. FUCKING READ THIS YOU SHITSPONGE, DONT JUST IGNORE IT LIKE AN INDECENT HUMAN BEING THAT MISSED OUT ON EVOLUTION BECAUSE THEY IGNORED THAT TOO. (This isn't actually as important as evolution but it would mean a lot to me if you did take the time to read the entirety of this.) This is hardly even a chapter but I'm having an issue finding time and motivation to write this anymore because I got involved in the musical at my school and that means I have rehearsal everyday and I've been writing boring stuff for classes and more interesting stuff that don't really have to do with anything fandom related so I can't post it on here. Also the concept of this story came to me at three in the morning like two years ago and my writing style has changed some and gotten better and it feels like I'm picking up a story from kindergarten and trying to continue it. I can't remember how i wanted things to play out and looking back, a lot of what I wrote is not very good.

“You just have to be willing to walk across the campus. I know it’s a lot to ask from someone who bitches as much as you do. ” Karkat said, reclaiming his coffee.

"My complaints hardly compare to yours. I mean, the tundra? Really?" He rolled his eyes and decided it really didn't matter, things would never change with Karkat. "So this friend?" 

"Yeah just give me a second." Karkat said flipping the blanket off his legs and practically crawling to his closet. He grabs something small and grey before he undoes his button and zipper from yesterday’s pants (which he sleeps in of course). "John." He said, starting to shimmy out of his jeans. John thought his skinny jeans were stupid but oddly enough Karkat looked good in them. "Are you going to leave so I can get dressed or are you going to give me a dollar."

"Did you just admit to being a whore?" John smiled, "How much for the sexing?"

Karkat marched up to him in his boxers with the stupid little spades all over them and ushered him out and closed the door. "There is no show!" He yelled through the door.

John leaned against it and said, "you get dressed in front of people all the time in gym. Why would now be any different?"

"Why do you want to watch me get dressed so badly?!"

John shook his head, "fine if I'm so much of a predator to you." He started for the door.

Karkat reached it before him, much to John’s surprise. "Predator my ass, you'd be the prey."

John scoffed, “Like you’d be the dominant one either Karkat.”

Karkat put his hand on the doorknob and in a very serious tone said, “If I want something badly enough.” He exited into the hallway and John followed him to the elevator. 

They stepped inside and John asked, “So is there something you want that badly?”

Karkat replied in the same tone as before, “Yeah, there is.”

Karkat was glad John was getting that he shouldn’t push the subject. He’d tell him when he was ready and when the elevator stopped he had no issue stepping out of the silence. They left behind the elevator then the lobby and then the building as they began their trek to the other side of the campus.

The first damn thing john brought up of course was Karkat’s fine selection of movies. Except he didn’t see them that way.

“So why are you into chick flicks?”

Karkat reddened at the embarrassment of the title and began to explain the greatness in all that is romantic comedies. All the things you could learn simply by watching. “And I strongly recommend you watch one, maybe then you wouldn’t be so clueless!” He yelled a bit of the last part and hoped he could pass it off as passion for the visual art of rom coms. 

John listened to no reason and continued to taunt him until they were in front of the right building. John wrapped up his monologue with, “I think its cute actually,” When a new voice chimed in. 

“He is pretty motherfuckin amazing isn’t he?” Smoke tumbled into karkat most recent intake of breath and as disgusting as it was it made him feel comfortable.

“Gamzee. What the fuck are you talking about?”

Though Karkat found him unbearable at most times, he was like a brother and he was really hoping John and he would get along. “Whatever. We brought you coffee which is probably just a block of ice now since you’re dorm building is so fucking far away and it’s so fucking cold out.”

Gamzee eagerly grabbed at the beverage, unphased by Karkat’s negative attitude. “Yeah, it’s cool how the world just all up and chose to do that.”

John laughs and says “who knows why the world does what it does.” Karkat could tell that John wasn’t being very sincere with his comment, but Gamzee took it in stride and looked at John like someone else had finally got it. Whatever “it” is.

“I know man! Motherfucking miracles…” Gamzee nodding his head in approval. 

They spent the majority of the day talking with Gamzee outside. John learned a little something about what Gamzee was smoking and talked about all the miracles the world has while Karkat shot them down until he joined in sarcastically with the utmost enthusiasm. John also learned that Gamzee doesn’t understand sarcasm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Karkat had to get involved and I had to drabble on earlier. I will be back on this site when I can, but With different things, as I am going to be wrapping this up as quickly as I can figure out how.


	7. John

Gamzee had decided he needed to go check up on his roommate Tavros because Gamzee probably missed him and was secretly itching to drink some faygo (John's pretty sure hes addicted). When he offered for them to come up Karkat spat out a goodbye grabbed John by the wrist, pulling him to the other dorm. "Karkat..." John whined as he grabbed Karkat’s hand off his wrist "Oh fuck, why didn’t you tell me you were this cold?" John grabbed the smaller hand in both of his, suddenly concerned and fixated on his hand.

"John. What. Are you doing?" Karkat asked neither polite or impolite as John breathed warm air on his hand.

"Here. Give me your other one too." he said and reached out his hand expectantly. When he didn’t receive it he looked back up at Karkat to see his face glowing red against a white sky and for a moment John felt his heart skip a beat. He dropped Karkat’s hands and on a quick change of subject he turned from looking at Karkat and asked "So, uh Karkat, I was wondering if maybe I could spend the night?"

Karkat looked at at him and teasingly said "So you spend the whole day with me and you just can’t get enough." 

John diminishes his teasing by saying "No, that’s not it. I just don’t want to go back to my dorm." 

Karkat tilts his head and says "You going to tell me why…?" 

John looks at his friend and feels flushed just remembering the incident. "I can’t tell you." He huffed. "Then I guess you can’t spend the night." Karkat suggested.

"Karkat..." John whined again.

"Just tell me, we’re friends right? Karkat said pulling out the friend card.

John looked at him with shining eyes "yeah, Karkat, we are friends. That’s why you should let me stay even if I don’t tell you." He held his stare with John.

“Tell me,” he demanded. 

“I’ll watch one of your romance movies with you if you don’t make me have to tell you.”

Karkat glared, “Why would I waste great cinema on your half brain?”

“Please, Karkat?” He pleaded.

“Fine I let you watch one of my movies and you tell me what happened,” said Karkat.

“What kind of a deal is that?” John criticized.

“A good deal.” Karkat said.

They stepped into the lobby of their dorm building which reminded John to text Dave and let him know where he was so he texted in the elevator ‘i was with karkat all day and im spending the night at his place’ and Dave’s response was ‘bro i can’t believe you’re leaving me alone in the dorm with two women’ john sent back ‘gross dave one of them is your cousin :B’ and figured that was the end of the texts. The elevator stopped on the sixth floor and they both got out and walked to his door and when they got inside there was Sollux sleeping on the couch. 

“Umm?” John gestured at Sollux.

“His girlfriend Aradia must be spending the night tonight. She gets to sleep in his bed because he sleep scratches her.” Karkat continues to lead John to his bedroom as he says all this, pausing only to confirm that Aradia was indeed in his bed.   
“You said you wanted to watch one of my movies,” he gestured to his vast collection, “you want me to pick the best one?”

John shrugs, “Sure.”

He picks one that John can hardly understand the likability. It’s so obvious who the girl should be with but she’s with the wrong guy almost the entire movie until the right guy says something and she starts crying and when he looks over at Karkat he’s crying too. “What the- Karkat? Are you okay?” 

He groans and looks at John with red eyes “Yeah, shitsponge, I’m fine it was just really fucking touching not like you’d understand a thing about true love.”

Karkat snivels and John stares down at his bed sheets and says stubbornly, “Hey, maybe someday I will if the right person comes along.” 

Karkat says quietly, “Maybe you do know something about romance, Egbert.” Suddenly they hear wedding bells and look back to the screen in time for the credits to start rolling in. “Well I’m sure this was a learning experience for you,” he says as he stands to put the movie away. 

“Yeah,” John replies, “I learned that you act more vulnerable when you watch your shitty romance movies.”

“Dammit you were supposed to watch the movie not me!”

“I was watching the movie I just took note of you as well.” He comes back from his movies and kneels one knee on the bed to the side of John to click off the light behind John and his hand is positioned to the side of johns head who’s still sitting cross-legged against the wall. Karkat pauses like this and stares at Johns lips that Dave kissed in front of him only about a week ago. 

“Do you... like it?” Karkat asks John and John searches Karkat’s eyes for more of an explanation, “When he kisses you?” he clarifies just a bit. Heat rushes to John’s face in understanding the question, “Well… l- it’s not that I hate it or anything it’s just that I’m uh…” John continues to try to string words into sense and Karkat speaks over him.

“I’ve never kissed before.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What. The actual fuck am I doing with this. also shhh no of course i didn't change the tense halfway through and yeah theres a slight possibility i slipped into second person and didnt notice *sighs* i suck at editing and also writing words.


	8. Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh stop reading this read Loved In Spite of Ourselves (hah yeah I'm gonna go ahead and plug for myself because i damn well please and because i feel that writing is better) People reading it means I have to try to update it when I really just wanna work on LISO... i sound pretty bitchy but thats just whats in my cold dead heart and wow any suggestions on how to end this? maybe i let loose a murderer in their region and they get picked off one by one...

Karkat did not care for John the first time he met him, but now he cared for him enough to entrust him with one of his most treasured experiences. Not only was he the best choice, but in a way he was the only choice. Not because Karkat couldn’t get someone, because he’d bet you his dignity he could, it’s just that John was the only one he wanted. It was as mushy as it sounds. He wanted this little fuck who could not be bothered with going against the normalcy of society in order to indulge in his own pleasures. That is if Karkat’s assumptions about John’s sexuality were correct.

 

He moved his lips to John’s silencing any last murmurs with the feeling of slippery skin to skin, person to person contact. It wasn’t as easy or as comfortable as the movies depicted. There was a lot of unspoken communication needed and he had no idea what to do after they finally touched. Much to his surprise, he felt John’s hand on the back of his head adjusting him slowly and then it all began to fall together. It was as water is to a thirsty being. John’s hand tangled and tugged a little in his hair. And this was where he truly idolized the whole idea of romance. The idea of connecting to someone on such a deep level you were willing to share the most intimate parts of yourself. He was also coming to find that it had always been the absolute truth that you’d _know_ with a kiss. He was forced closer fitting into John perfectly before they separated slightly.

 

A string of saliva still connected them. Slightly embarrassed, Karkat licked his lower lip and just at that moment they were kissing again. John had initiated it this time and a sensation of glee ran through Karkat. John licked karkats lower lip in and karkat opened his mouth slightly in response to the non verbal question. Maybe it wasn’t that Karkat liked this nerd so much, maybe it was just that John was a good kisser. He flinched slightly at the idea of all the practicing with Strider, then continued to allow himself to be pushed and pulled as needed. He becomes more sure of himself as some time passes and he puts his hand on John’s chest. Slowly, he makes his way down John’s chest and to where the end of his shirt met the waistband of his pants. He traveled the waistband till he found the button and undid it. Unzipping the pants, their slightly purpled lips parted and whatever glee had come before was running now.

 

“Stop!” he looked at Karkat with the most red face and blinked furiously, “I was trying to tell you before we, uh, you know, whatever, I was gonna say I’m not homosexual…”

 

Karkat looked at him incredulously and said, “John, you idiot how can you claim to be heterosexual when you just kissed me like that? And I hate to bring it up, but you’ve also done things with Dave. Things we don’t need to discuss.”

 

The excuses then list as: “Well, it was your first kiss and I just didn’t want it to suck and you know Dave, he’s always doing those ironic things because it’s like his lifestyle or something.” Even he knew his argument was weak. “We’re totally just bro’s, nothing more and we won’t be anything more. He knows this. I think…” He looked up at you, still standing in front of him and asked, “So are you gay or…?”

 

“There’s more sexualities than just ‘gay’ and ‘straight’. I’m this thing to call pansexual. It’s a lot like being bisexual except I recognize that there are more than two genders and sexes, so your genitalia and gender identity have literally nothing to do with it. Most people don’t know that’s what it is because they all like to stick to the basics and to not over complicate their little stay here in life. That’s you John. Sticking to the whole ‘I really am straight though I just made out with this dude in a very romantic way for a lengthy amount of time’.

 

“Fine, yeah that happened, but samesex relationships just aren’t for me.” He rebutted.

 

“You just admitted to doing samesex relationship stuff and you seemed to like that well enough.”

 

“I don’t think I enjoyed it quite as much as you think I did.”

 

“Then what the fuck is this?” Karkat abruptly groped the outside of Johns boxers (sonic the hedgehog all over them, the fucking nerd) from his still unzipped pants.”

 

“Jesus, Karkat!” He lifted his knees in attempts to guard himself, but Karkat still had a hold and he leaned forward to John.

 

“I can feel it twitching dumbass! Like hell you’re heterosexual!” Having proved his point Karkat stopped. Almost. Before he stopped he asked, “Why are you holding back?” he addressed the question to two things, one of them being any noise John was stifling.

 

“There’s people sleeping just a wall away and I don’t need it to happen two nights in a row?” 

 

Karkat ceased entirely and repeated in question form, “You don’t want what to happen again?” He recoiled his hand feeling a new aura in the room and sat beside him.

 

John’s hand reverted to the back of his neck, where it always goes when he’s nervous Karkat had observed, and he said, “It’s nothing.”

 

Karkat raised his eyebrows, “You know, I just gave you the honour of being my first and I thought that would’ve meant there’s some trust between us, but apparently not since you can’t trust me with the basic knowledge of whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

 

John sighed a dramatic sigh, “God, you know I trust you, it’s just really uncomfortable to think not to mention talk about. Right now? Not that comfortable.” He smiled in efforts to not seem so serious. Karkat held his gaze and then John said, “You’ll be the first person I tell. Swear to god.”

 

Karkat cracked a smile and laughed, “Whatever fucknuts it’s not like I’ll die from not knowing the soap opera that is your life.”

 

John gave a genuine smile and said, “Thanks for caring, Karkat.” The lights were finally turned off.


	9. John

Early in the morning John is woken by a full bladder and he nudges Karkat. Trying to wake him, to get him to move so he could leave the bed. He whispered at first then got louder, no longer nudging but shaking and to his dismay nothing worked. He swung his leg over the deep sleeping jerk, “What the fuck Egbert, I thought you were straight. Isn’t that what we established last night?” 

At the very end of the unexpected sentence John hopped off the bed and said, “I was just trying to get out to use the restroom and apparently you don't wake up unless someones on top of you because believe me Karkat I tried.” He trotted down the hall unable to contain himself any longer from having to use the restroom and from the slight embarrassment of being caught in a straddle. He took his time in the bathroom, his eyes still adjusting to light of day. When he returned to the room, he found Karkat had taken advantage of his absence and had spread out all of his limbs, looking a bit like a starfish. He knew he’d never wake Karkat so he tried pushing all of him back onto one half of the bed, but everytime he made any progress the limb sprung back into place.

John slumped having given up. He sat on the edge of the bed and spotted the illuminated numbers spelling out 5:03. It’s not like he hasn’t woken up this early before… Being in someone elses house meant there were boundaries though and the boundaries make everything boring. So he’ll just have to ignore a few. He opened Karkat’s curtains, though the winter sun had not awoken yet, he predicted that it would eventually do it’s job the way it did everyday. 

It was the second day that he had been in Karkat’s room without Karkat actually awake. Karkats black hair poked out from above the blankets they had shared and his toes from the bottom. They hung off the bed, while his head was nearly in the middle, having abandoned his pillow near the top. John had to stifle a laugh because this was definitely not how people were meant to sleep on the beds. It would’ve been nice to be able to look at his sleeping face, to admire the length and velocity of his eyelashes that rested on warm cheeks, to see the way his eyes chased an entirely fabricated image that only he would ever experience during unconsciousness, but this, the way he hid nearly all of himself under the protection and warmth of a blanket, was just like him. And he was perfect.

Wait, no not perfect. He’s an asshole and he’s mean and stubborn and he thinks hes the best, but the second you try to tell him he’s the best he’s not. He was an unpredictable oxymoron of a jerk and one of your best friends, but he wasn’t perfect. He was Karkat. They are most definitely not synonymous. 

Hoping not to make a habit of staring at Karkat in his sleep and not at all feeling your heartbeat in your wrists, you left the room, stumbling a bit on the way out due to your natural elegance. The door was closed to Sollux’s room and he was still on the couch. At least one other person in this place was awake. “Sup?” He asked and you felt right at home with the familiar posing of the question. Just the way Dave asked it. “Were you guys being gay last night? Because I think I could sense the pheromones in the air.” Yet again like Dave. Why the hell was everyone in this world an asshole?

“Hey,” a new voice entered the room, “Don’t be an asshole. Who cares that they’re gay?” It was Aradia, wearing nothing but an oversized shirt and letting all of her hair reach past the hem of it. He couldn’t tell if she was genuinely trying to help or not. Because she wasn’t.

“Oh yeah, you’re right AA. Their gayness has nothing to do with me I just wanted to know if there was butt sex going on last night just down the hall.”

“Sollux, don’t you think we would’ve heard if they were having sex? Unless there was muffling... ooh! Or a kinky no noise rule!” 

She turned to John suddenly with a question mark plastered to her forehead. “Oh my god, you guys no one had sex last night. Sorry to disappoint, but Karkat and I aren’t in a romantic relationship, it’s completely platonic.” Why did he feel the argument wasn’t convincing enough? It’s the truth for god’s sake. Maybe last night was a little gay but there wasn’t any sex or romantic intentions.

“Well,” Aradia said, “I said I didn’t hear sex, I never said I didn’t hear you two making out. It’s not healthy to lie John.” 

Sollux smirked at his significant other, John feeling very defeated, “We are platonic though. Last night was a one time thing.” Absolutely, he was never kissing Karkat again it was a mistake.

“It’s been said before by people stronger than you, John” Sollux said to him with a flicker in his eye.   
“Why does everyone keep insisting that?” He flung his hands out in front of them then brought one back up to his face before someone could answer his rhetorical question. “What do you guys eat around here?”

“There might be something in the kitchen. It’s mostly junk food, but that’s not that bad of a breakfast choice.”

Their kitchen was practically unstocked. Considering there was only a small fridge and two cabinets, one on top of the other, it wasn’t like you could get fit much in there anyway. He found something of strange color in a small container, more-than-the-needed-amount-of-sour sour cream, honey, and three bags of chip. All of them nearly empty. He thought when he found honey they’d at least have some sort of bread substance. But no, they must just drink it straight out of the bottle because there’s no other plausible explanation. He put the honey down and contemplated leaving because he had a pretty big need for breakfast. He sat on the now empty couch, feeling the emptiness in his stomach as it manifested itself into a low growl. 

Sollux and Aradia emerged from Sollux’s room, Aradia now wearing pants and Sollux adjusting his new set of clothes. “Hey, we’re going to go get breakfast and KK’s probably settling into hibernation so…” John was about to jump at the informal offer.

“I’m awake you douchenozzle.” Douchenozzle was a new one, by the way he was rubbing at his eyes like a child and stumbling over his own feet John could tell that was the best he could come up with at this early hour. Well, early for him. Sollux, Aradia, and his ticket to food made their goodbyes and their way out the door without so much as another glance at John’s starving eyes.

“Karkat, oh my god you just ruined my chances to get some real food.”

“What the hell are you talking about? We have food here, why would we need to leave?” He opened the fridge. Then promptly closed the fridge. “Fuck, we’ve gotta get out of here there's no food.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I have plans for this I just don't know where they are and sorry if i fudged up with my non editing skills : )


	10. Karkat

“So you know this isn’t the direction to the cafeteria right?” John asked.

“What that swine trough? Of course that’s not where we’re going do you think I’m trying to poison you?”

“But today they were making potato puffs and I think those are pretty decent.”

“Those aren’t potato puffs, they’re vague remnants of previously burnt spuds they finally scraped out of the oven.”

“Way to ruin the only food I like here. You’re really not much of a morning person.”

“Morning person? Hah, everyone else will tell you I’m not much of an _awake_ person.”

“No way! When you’re just sleepy enough to still be coherent, but not enough to still hold onto all your inhibitions you’re like adorably vulnerable.” Karkat felt a little irritated that John could be so oblivious about using words like adorable.

“You’ve got to get a hobby that isn’t watching me sleep.” He grumbled, but with a bit of a smile in his voice.

“Wait Karkat, we’re not-”

“Yeah, John we are. I do it all the time we won’t get in trouble.”

Karkat pulled open a broken part of the fence at the edge of the campus. He hoped for John’s sake that his luck of not getting caught would continue today because the consequences for an unexcused leave were horrible. Karkat crouched through the hole after John, checking behind himself and quickening the pace. 

“So where are we going? Denny’s?” John laughed.

“Well, that’s actually pretty close to here and they have pretty good chocolate milk so sure.”

“Karkat, I was being sarcastic. Denny’s is not worth leaving for.”

“No, the adventure is what’s worth leaving for. Don’t you ever do anything adventurous?”

John looked at Karkat, words practically hanging out of his mouth but he kept them in. Karkat looked down at the sidewalk, counting the cracks then up at the buildings searching for something more adequate.

“There’s always taco bell,” he said.

John facepalmed but smiled and said, “They’ve got a new breakfast burrito actually. We should do it.”

So they did. They went in and ordered two of the same breakfast burrito and sat in a booth near the window of the practically empty taco bell. 

“I’m sorry you had to pay for me Karkat, I swear to god I thought I had some money on me.” 

“It’s no problem I planned on paying for you anyway. I mean what kind of date would this be otherwise.”

Karkat listened to John’s unorganized explanation filled with, ‘Karkat, I’ and ‘well, you see’ before he said, “I’m being sarcastic, John. You’re not the only one skilled in that department.”

He sighed a little annoyed with Karkat. Then he looked at him again those words just dangling there by his mouth. 

Karkat picked up his burrito. “I’m glad we came here instead of Denny’s. Their chocolate milk really doesn’t compare to a eggs and cheese in a tortilla.”

“Sarcasm again?

“Look who’s catching on.” Karkat said through mouthfuls.

“Okay that’s not fair. Your sarcastic voice sounds just like your normal voice.”

“Maybe it’s always my sarcastic voice.”

“Well, you were sincere last night.” Finally, the words had fallen. Karkat panicked, not quite sure what to say. He could admit to it and just let the knowledge be that he likes John. But then John would have all the control in their relationship, whatever it may be. And John had made it obvious that he was never going to reciprocate those feelings.

“I think we should just forget about it,” Oh shit. Shit shit shit. He was already regretting his decision, but there was no taking it back if he wanted to have any power. “Pretend it never happened y’know.” Final words of any good friendship, relationship, hot make out sessions-ship.  
Karkat could not believe how absolutely idiotic that was.

Karkat’s crumpled up taco bell wrapper compared to John’s half eaten burrito that he hadn’t been touching. John stared down at it and then looked at Karkat, a smile on his face that was like a kick to the stomach. “Yeah of course I don’t even know what you’re talking about it’s so forgotten.” He picked up the burrito with enthusiasm, taking big bites. “Why didn’t we get their new waffle, sausage, egg thing? I mean we totally wasted this trip.”

“I told you I don’t like waffles, what’s the point in putting all those flattened squares in when you could have a fluffy delightful little pancake to absorb the syrup like a sponge instead of harboring pools of sweet liquid in the stupid square imprisonments.”

“For a moment there when you were talking about pancakes you almost seemed _happy_. It was a short lived moment.” 

“Stop acting as if I’m never happy. I can very well be happy, sorry if I’m not always grinning like an idiot the way you are.”

“Hey! This street is double sided, er, it’s a two way street is what I meant. You’ve gotta stop acting like I’m always happy then because I’m not.”

Karkat again with the word vomit today said, “Like when?”

John said nothing. He only shook his head, crumpling his wrapper too and standing to throw it away. 

Karkat walked beside him quietly towards their destination. The wind pushed them back with every step they tried to take forward. It wasn’t a gentle breeze, because it never is in the winter time when the ice covers half of the sidewalks and the snow makes every path a narrow one. Karkat waddled more than walked because he had seen a documentary on penguins once, explaining how they put all of their weight on the foot they stand on so they don’t slip. He expected John to make a comment on it, or tell him he hated this weather because his face was raw and red with the lashes the cold gave him. 

But neither of them said anything, and every time Karkat looked at John he hated himself for feeling something. So he thought less about John’s frozen blue eyes and thought more about pushing that feeling out of his body. He could go back to the first time he met John and he was so annoyed by his characteristics or when he found out that John and he were paired together for a class and he was outright enraged by their new close proximity or when John tried to teach him how to play something on his keyboard and laughed when he gave him a full explanation on why the instrument was useless and told him he was “cute” or just before he realized everything about him made him want to scream but not out of the anger. Just before he kissed him.

They were back on campus now and they stood awkwardly just through the fence hole, kicking some snow in front of it. “I think I need to go back to my own dorm.” John said, “Rose and Kanaya have probably left by now so there’s no one there I really need to avoid.”

“Why were you avoiding them?” Sure it wasn’t his place to pry, but John was the one who mentioned it.

“It was that thing that happened that I’m going to tell you about eventually I swear.” He crinkled his nose, “I need to talk to Dave anyway.” 

Karkat didn’t ask this time. He held his hand out to John.

“Really?” John asked incredulously, but shook his hand anyway.

“Sorry,” Karkat apologized.

Their grasp broke and John turned in the opposite direction of the one Karkat needed to go in. He stood in the snow feeling the cold eating at his toes and he laughed a strangled laugh feeling the coarseness in his throat from the cold (maybe). He turned slowly, trudging through the inches, breathing heavy puffs of air, returning to his empty dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a school night. why am i doing this. wow its short. No the editing isnt edited. shhh its okay


	11. Dave

John came home that sunday and having been at Karkat’s he smelt of another place Dave had never been. That and taco bell. John looked more tired than usual wearing his wrinkled clothes from the day before and his hair perfectly disheveled in only a way his hair could look. For most people it would look pretentious but on him it just looked dorky and childlike. None of this surprised Dave, it was comfortable, but the first thing John said was like shooting a gun into the rain. _Ridiculous_. 

“Dave? Are you gay?”

Dave dropped his glass of apple juice on the floor of the small kitchenette. 

“Shit,” he cursed, “What the fuck man? Absolutely no warning to that whatsoever, you didn’t even start with typical drawn out so you just dove headfirst into the fucking pool of uncomfortable with that and there was obviously a no diving si-”

“Dave instead of launching into one of your long dumb analogies do you think you could just be straight with me for once?” John inquired again, but at this Dave scoffed.

He grabbed a towel from the bathroom not caring about John’s complaints towards the fact that it was a real towel and they’d have to wash it instead of throw it away and they couldn’t let it sit and etc. etc. etc.. Dave crouched to the floor surrounding the puddle with the towel, squeezing inwards on it torturously. Then, in thought, he snorted which only sparked his full blown laughter. He lost his balance with all the shaking of his bones and landed in the puddle, regretting how slowly he had been cleaning it up.

“Dave!” John exclaimed, a little worried and a little peeved as he rushed over to the fallen. Dave’s clothing began to absorb the sticky liquid and as much as he would’ve liked to stand up, all the strength in him had been focused on the staggered breaths he was heaving from all the laughter. He did manage to sit up after a few tries, wishing he had better abs. So many regrets.

“Well, fuck,” he playfully jabbed at the situation and began yet another rally of laughter, avoiding eye contact with John as he kneeled in front of Dave.

“What the hell are you laughing about Dave?” John said with a bit of a giggle in his voice as well.

Dave scooted towards John leaning in close enough to share a secret. He peeled his sticky shirt from his skin and John backed up enough to not get hit by flying elbows. “You asked me to be straight with you, but John, I can’t be straight _at all_ ” He snickered then leaned in closer again, looking at the freckles on John’s face that did not compare to the many on his. He stood up in a fluid motion as if that was his only intention all along. He patted his legs around his ass and thighs before unbuttoning, unzipping and stripping of his pants. 

“Dave…?” Dave didn’t answer John’s calls in any words, he looked at him as he pulled his shades down walking backwards, completely naked and no shame. John could not handle watching him till the end of his strut with no fake ‘of course im not watching you’ moments, but who could blame him? This was damn douchey for even a Strider, but Dave felt he had something to prove. Or maybe someone to compete with.

He made it to his destination of the bathroom and closed the door. There wasn’t much need for privacy at this point sure, but it was one of those things that had been formed as a comfortable habit long ago. He listened to the waters constant patter on the porcelain tub, staring at himself in the mirror that was soon to fog. He pulled aside the curtain and stepped into the scalding water finally, letting it engulf him the way he remembered the texas heat. Or any heat, this winter was killing him.

He scrubbed through his blonde hair with the frothing shampoo, allowing his lips to curl at the thought of John so forwardly asking him his orientation. The kid really should’ve guessed by then but it was nice of him to be so clear. Dave figured he should finally be just as clear with John. He would have to stop calling it irony everytime he got all sexy with John and he’d have to fess up that he maybe liked him.

Wait what ‘maybe’? Dave definitely liked John. He’d liked him since he realized he preferred the shape of John’s body to the shape of any other and that he liked his skinny little chest compared to a soft and rounded one of girls or the sculpted one of a male model. He liked John in a way against what would be considered his usual nature: unironically. John contrasted him with all his sincerity and bluntness that Dave had always appreciated when he was raised to hide his feelings and be on guard. Being with John always made it so difficult for him to do what he was taught and he loved it. And he almost loved John. Almost. Love is a strong word . 

“Fuck,” Dave murmured, drying off his legs and chest that were smoother than most guys. He hung his head down and scrunched it with the towel before wrapping the cloth around his waist. He knocked on Johns door at the end of the hall, listening for a response. “Hey John?”

“Uh I’m busy Dave,” John’s voice came back unsteady and unsure. 

“John I swear to god if you’re trying to avoid me right now I-” 

“No Dave, I’m just busy. Go away, I’ll um talk in a little,” Yep his voice was unstable.

Dave did as commanded and left. He only gave John as much extra time as it took him to change into clothes because he was right back at his door, knocking.

“John,” He knocked more times than necessary, elongating all his words, “Come talk to me…” 

John opened the door hastily, his face flushed and his body hidden behind the door. “What do you need? Can’t it wait? Jesus.”

“What are you doing John?” Dave questioned teasingly because he had a good idea of what John was doing. “Are you done?”

John rolled his eyes, his jaw set firmly in place. “What do you _need_ Dave?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I blame your Nic Cage obsession for making me think I could have a chance with you. That you could be a little gay because John you love Nic Cage and that’s hella gay.”

“Hey! It’s not gay at all it’s super hetero! Have you seen any of his movies? He’s like super buff and a man’s man, it’s super straight trust me.”

“John. So. Gay.”

“It’s not! But maybe I mean I’m not saying anything concrete, but maybe you felt like you had a chance because there was a bit of chance? I might not be as straight as say… a Nic Cage movie?” He slipped further behind the door with every word. 

“Wait John what?” Dave felt something tick in his heart. Something stupid like hope.

“Might be alittlegaymaybe but Idunno.”

“Yeah yeah that’s what I thought you said. That’s cool, cool.” He swallowed the extra saliva forming in his mouth attempting to asphyxiate him,except then his mouth was like sandpaper rubbing against each other stopping him from being capable of intelligent speech. So he leaned into the door between them and gave John a quick chaste kiss on the lips. John opened the door to his room, allowing Dave in.

John’s fingers flitted over his lips and he took his place sitting on the bed. Dave sat beside him with a good amount of space between them in hopes of making John more comfortable. 

“Dave you have got to stop throwing around your kisses like that. Kisses mean a lot to some people and it’s not fair that just because maybe they don’t mean a lot to you that they don’t mean a lot to me and it wasn’t fair that you were my first kiss when I didn’t ask you to be.” 

Dave’s mouth still not in it’s usual state he stumbled on his words. “John, k-kissing does mean a lot to me, that’s why I kiss you. It’s not like I kiss everyone, it’s just you John. Only you. And I- I guess I’m sorry I never asked it just- it never really occured to me to ask you considering I starting kissing you when we were really young.”

“Yeah I guess, but then we got older and -”

“Can I kiss you John Egbert?” 

“Dave,” John’s eyes connected with Dave’s and he brought both his hands up to his face as a barricade. “I want to kiss you, but…” John let his unfinished sentence hang in the air unsupported.

Dave tugged lightly at John’s hands and said, “then let me,” and John did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Masturbation. That's what John was doing because in my AUs that's all these people ever do.)


	12. John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John knows nothing.

Monday morning John returned to school with a strange feeling of not being truly conscious. He drifted into his English class after only being physically present for his first class of the day. He figured Karkat would get him out of this stupor by yelling some ridiculous combination of words at him, but he didn’t. John sat down next to him in the third row and the teacher began teaching. He allowed his mind to wander until he realized that the teacher had dismissed them to work with their partners and Karkat still hadn’t said anything. He just sat there quietly, doing his work entirely individual from him.

Finally John was awake and a little irritated. “Karkat?”

“Yeah John?” He never thought hearing a calm friendly response from Karkat would piss him off so much.

“What the hell?”

“What?”  
“Why aren’t you yelling at me for not doing my share of work right now?”

“So, what? Now I’m not allowed to not yell at you? No one in their right mind would ever make that request, Egbert.”

“Okay that’s much better, for a second there it was like I didn’t even know you.”

“To be fair you don’t know me that well, John.”

“Oh, screw that! How many times have I seen you sleeping? And lets not forget we’ve… You know.”

“No John.” Karkat’s voice asserted, “Because we haven’t.”

“Are you trying to distance yourself from me or something?”

“No.” He sighed then slowly added, “You just looked tired. I was giving you a break.” 

John had nothing to say to that. Not believing it, but having no evidence to prove otherwise. 

“What are you working on?” John said leaning in closer to the paper Karkat was writing on. He noticed Karkat lean away as if he were contagious and felt a puncture in his heart. There was his evidence that he was trying to be further from him. He couldn’t complain though. It would be absurd to try to reason that their bodies should touch. It’s not like it was an important part of their friendship that they be physically intimate.  


“It’s the math review I got for the semester final, you should probably work on yours too.”

“Oh crap,” John swore, “I totally forgot that’s like only a week from now. I haven’t started studying at all and you know I’m not a good test taker and ugh I can’t believe I haven’t been paying attention in class. I’m gonna fail everything!”

“Yeah probably.” His great friend Karkat reassured him sincerely. How nice of him.

“Really? I’m freaking out and _now_ you decide to be an asshole?”

John pulled out his materials to begin studying, leaving Karkat to work separately from him once again. He should be happy now not having to avoid any human contact. As much as John tried to study his mind couldn’t help lingering on Karkat every time it noticed his elbow in it’s peripheral vision. He didn’t stop repeating information to himself until well past midnight when he began to feel a little hot. 

“I swear to god…” He announced to himself alone in his room when he reached over to his nightstand to turn off the lamp, “I better not get sick.” 

He woke with a tickle in his throat. A tickle that would keep him absent from school that day as it was accompanied by one of the worst colds he’d had in a long time. The room turned and his mind felt hazy, so halfway to even tapping his toe to the ground he retracted his foot and threw the blankets back over his head, groaning.

“Dave…” He said, playing himself like a record until Dave responded.

“You sick?” He knew him so well and thank god because John just wanted to close his eyes again and not feel the soreness that had conquered his throat.

“Yep.” 

“Alright, do you need medicine for it or…?”

“No no I should be fine tomorrow I think. I just hate the sick bay.” He was referring to the area in which they kept the kids with more serious illnesses. If his temperature rose any more he may have to go, so John focused his mind on not letting that happen. 

“Want me to stay with you?” Dave offered.

“Are you trying to use me as an excuse to not go to class? Midterms are coming up and you have to pass those you know. Go to class and learn.”

“No John…” He started slowly “I care about you… a lot and I just want to-”

“Go.”

“God dammit. Fine.”

John listened to Dave for the next half hour as he walked around the dorm without him, going about his business as usual until finally he heard their door click and all the small noises reminding him he wasn’t alone were gone. He listened to the mechanical sound of the heater that turned on at 7:40 everyday instead of human life that would be just outside his walls. He stopped thinking and slept again.

Waking up at 11 something in the morning he found it in himself to get to the kitchen. He knew he was most likely being dramatic about how hard it was to do anything, but he didn’t care because this sucked. He ate a pop tart as usual and didn’t dare drink cold water no matter how thirsty he was. Instead he drank gross sugar cookie herbal tea his father had given him for christmas reluctantly thankful for it now that it was soothing his ailment. 

His father gave great gifts every year, but there was always one gift that was meant more as a prank. He had given his father peppermint coffee the year before and in turn received sugar cookie herbal tea, a beverage his father knew he detested without the added grossness of artificial sugar cookie. He planned on giving his father chocolate flavored root beer this year, an unexpected change of pace with the liquid being carbonated. He’ll never see it coming.

John varied from being on his laptop playing pointless games to mindlessly watching whatever appeared on his T.V. screen. He bundled himself back into his pile of blankets when he got bored of any activity he could manage to do and tried closing his eyes again. He wound up sitting there with his thoughts. 

John didn’t like to be one to stew over questions like ‘who do I like?’ and ‘what’s my sexuality?’ but he found himself thinking about these things relentlessly since the school year started. It could be that he was coming of age and he would’ve wound up thinking these things even if...even if he hadn’t met Karkat. Karkat surely wasn’t the reason his mind was always so preoccupied, he was just a factor of growing up. It could’ve been anyone’s lips that he thought about at night, Karkat wasn’t special he was just there. Right?

Then again it was Dave's manner of being that made him laugh in fits of joy and his voice that made him sigh with relief, so these could be normal feelings of friendship. When he really thought about it it made sense. There was a boy in first grade that he gave a good crayon to simply because he liked the way his smile made his tummy flop. It was friendship feelings after all, John could finally put these thoughts aside having finally figured it out. What a magical emotion friendship is.

John must’ve fallen asleep because he heard the door to his room open and he began to peel his eyelids apart, feeling displeased having been woken.

“Why are you in my room?” He tried to form wholly comprehensible words, but they came out rather mushed instead.

“Am I not allowed to talk to you when you’re sick?”

“Why do you need to talk to me?” He blinked blearily into the sunlight still streaming in through his uncurtained window, but let his efforts be wasted. He could sense Dave’s presence face to sideways face with him and then he could feel the presence of Dave’s lips on his own.

“You _know_ I’m sick.”

“I just didn’t like going so long not being able to kiss you. So I thought ‘screw it’ and now here we are.”

“Yeah or you’re still trying to get out of school with me.” 

“Ok. Maybe, but I didn’t lie. I really wanted to kiss you and no bacterium is going to stop a Strider From kissing a cutie.” 

“God, Dave, give it a rest and just let me sleep.”

“Mind If I sleep with you?” 

He tucked his blankets under himself as a no and Dave crawled onto the bed anyway. John was disinclined to enjoy it, but his mind created warm images generated by the heat source of the human being next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read **Loved In Spite of Ourselves** because I'm shameless and self plugging right now  please


	13. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahah im a pos so sry

Having kissed John, Dave found himself sick. The worst of it only lasted two days before they both returned to regular classes, to try to keep their sniffles and throat tickles in check. He thought about John instead of the math he should be concentrating on. They had just spent the past 48 hours together and he was feeling some egbert withdrawal. Since his class ended before John’s he thought it would be nice to pick up his favorite bro from english. Even if he had to walk across the snowy campus (soaking his converse) and stand outside the building like an idiot for the next 10 minutes. 

He shivers for a while allowing the time to pass around him before the teacher opens the door and noise begins to flow out, and then the students. He hears John in particular and sees him talking to that Karkat kid. “Why do you care?” John asks, more like interrogates. 

Karkat responds, “I don’t!” And then his eyes connect with Dave’s by chance. Calmer this time he says, “Sorry. I don’t want to be mad at you. I do care,” for a moment it seems like a confession, before he says, “because you’re my friend.” That was a close call. There was something like hope on John’s face when he said he cared. John probably would’ve fallen in love if that was a confession and then Dave would have no chance. 

John then unexpectedly proclaims, “I consider you… More than a friend!” 

Karkat flushes, “Wait. You- What?” 

Dave stares with astonishment from the doorframe when John notices the room is empty besides them and Dave is there. “I, uh, gotta go. Dave’s waiting.” He rushes past him out the door leaving him and Karkat to stare at each other unspeaking for a moment more before he follows after silently. He can’t feel much right now, the wind having chilled him, but he hurts anyway. 

John doesn’t outright tell him, but Dave gathers that his ironic affections are no longer welcomed. Before there was this playful air about it, but now it would be downright disrespectful and he didn’t want to do that to his best friend. He gives John the personal space he deserves, no attempts at kissing or insinuations. John sulks about all weekend as he does some sulking of his own. It always hurts to get rejected especially when you’re still living with the guy. The guy being your best friend. It feels particularly lonely. 

Dave decides it’s best not to pick up John from his classes on monday, which was clearly the right choice because he didn’t come back after the scheduled end time. He couldn’t help wondering where he was or who he was with, but he had this feeling he already knew and he just didn’t want to admit it. John would rather be with Karkat than Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM GOING TO FUCKING FINISH THIS MOTHERFUCKER BC I AM NOT A QUITTER AND I FOUND THE NOTES I WROTE FOR IT A MILLION YEARS AGO and i feel so guilty leaving it unfinished, but this is kind of going to be a hasty halfassed ending and I rly hope I don't disappoint too much but im honestly so done with this story lmao. This chappies p short bc the next one is going to be all packed with the good 'ending' shit which I hope to put up next weekend bc i don't think I have any plans next weekend???? idk we'll find out. Maybe it'll be a year from now lol.


	14. John and Karkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May I begin by saying I'm sorry to disappoint anyone with the shoddy work I've done on this (especially if you liked the story >.

“Hi Karkat, you look nice today.” : John’s attempt at flirting, practiced in his bathroom mirror before leaving for class on monday. He thought it was perfect. It was subtle, but Karkat would definitely understand. Definitely.

The execution wasn't quite the same. His mouth had run dry, but he swallowed hard anyway and said, “hey Karkat, you look-” and tripped. On nothing. Maybe his own foot.

Thankfully, Karkat is nice and amazing even though he's grumpy and he still came over to help John off the ground. “You idiot, you can't even walk and talk at the same time. Babies are more coordinated than you.”

John laughs nervously, but plays it cool. “You look nice today!” He says it too rushed and too quiet. And it’s true. Karkats wearing a baggy black sweater that exposes his collarbone when he leans over and it looks...nice.

“What.” Karkats looking at him skeptically.

“I said you like nice today,” he lets it hang there in the air.

Karkat looks at him skeptically a light flush not well hidden on his face, “o-okay. Thanks…”

Well done, John thought to himself sarcastically, but it managed to work somehow.

They sat down together and John made sure to scoot a little closer than usual. Karkat noticed. They shared Karkat’s textbook because John ‘forgot’ his. He reached for the page to turn at the same time as Karkat, their fingers brushing. He let his fingers linger, even though his heart was beating hard on his chest. 

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“What?” Johns tone was more playful than innocent. He knew what he was doing.

“You're being.. flirty every chance you get.”

“Whaaaat?? Noooo.” 

“Yes. John. You are and you're playing with my emotions and it's really not fair to make me feel like this when you told me, _you told me_ that you didn't like guys and it was impossible for you to like me and that was hard, you know, to know that you could kiss me like that and not feel anything. That sucked! And it hurt! But I wanted to keep being your friend so I tried to stop feeling that way so I could keep being near you, b-but you know what? Fuck you! Because I like you in the most homosexual way possible!”

He wasn't trying to make him angry. He didn't realize that Karkat would react like this, he thought it would make him happy... but maybe he was being a little insensitive. “I'm sorry, Karkat, I didn't think… It's just that… Okay, so I was flirting with you a little maybe because I might like you in a kind of homosexual way and I want to, like, I don't know…” Date you.

“I don't know either. What do you want?” Karkat was still pissed, but he was interested in what John had to say. That was good, right? 

“I want to, you know, be around you and spend time with you and make you happy and t-touch you and… I think you get it.” He’s rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t want to forget about kissing you. And I want to kiss you again.” 

Karkat was surprised. He was more than surprised, but surprised is the best word he would you to describe the shock of his unrequited feelings suddenly being requited. A heat rose to his face and he tried to stay calm. “Do you,” he looked around the rest of the room, “do you want to date?”

“Maybe?” No, not maybe, he does he definitely does.

“Then, we could try that,” Karkat says casually. So nonchalant. Neither of them knows what they're doing. They walk to Karkat's after class, awkward and embarrassed. John is thankful Dave didn't come to pick him up today, but a little sad. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind sitting down on the couch in Karkat's living space as Karkat got them water. They were both nervous. Suddenly being together wasn't as easy as it was before, but it didn't mean they weren't happy. 

“Soooo,” John started when Karkat sat down next to him, a full cushion away. “Do you want to go on dates or stuff like that?” He scooted towards him as he talked.

Karkat fidgeted at the closeness, “ I guess, if you want to, or we could just hang out.”

“Hm yeah we could do that, but we should like. Hold hands too or something. I don't know, am I being dumb?”

“Always,” but Karkat grabs his hand anyways. John leans into him, closing in on Karkat's lips, lips he hasn’t stopped thinking about since..

Of course that’s when Sollux and both (not one, but two) his girlfriends would walk in. John and Karkat's foreheads pressed together, holding hands, pre-heavy kissing. 

“AHA,” exclaimed Sollux, the most smug look settling on his face, “I called it. Pay up.” John and Karkat separated themselves and watched on as the shady agreement was carried out.

Feferi, (John assumed) (Karkat knew), reached into the small coral bag slung over her shoulder in annoyance, “This bet was rigged. You guys made them sleep in the same room together!” 

Aradia smiled at Karkat and teasingly said, “I knew you could do it.”

John, panicking a little bit stood suddenly, “You! Could you not tell anyone? Please?”

Karkat wasn’t shocked. He had suspected John wouldn’t want anyone to know because the kid was only just coming to terms with it himself. They were going to have to go slow.

And they went slow. 

~

Red and green lights were hung in the campus’s cafeteria, cut out snowflakes gracing the wall, a poorly decorated tree in the corner and almost everyone they’d met in the same room. Noise filled the air and christmas spirit hung about, a smile on everyone’s lips, lips on significant others. Mistletoe catching them unaware. They don’t kiss then and there, but later when they’re together John kisses Karkat everywhere to make it up to him.

~ 

Everyone around them counting down, all dressed up to welcome the new year. Ridiculous “year- glasses”, and kiddy champagne that was still having an effect, or maybe it was the cold air as they all readied their noisemakers & poppers outside their dorms. The 3, 2, and 1 and then everyone was shouting and embracing each other and again they didn’t kiss. John still saw how Karkat was only acting like it didn’t bother him. But he could hug him, tightly, tell everyone it was the sparkling cider when he still wasn’t letting go. Not until he could kiss him when they were in private. Kiss him till their lips were sore.

~

Pinks and reds and cupids adorned the hallways. Valentines were being given out in class and everyone was talking. About Love. About wanting it or having it, about who did have it. All the couples were getting each other things like chocolates and roses and stuffed bears and Karkat wanted to get something for John, but that would be PDA and he probably wouldn’t approve. They had to pretend they weren’t… something more. It sucked, but Karkat did end up getting a stuffed heart from John, so maybe it wasn’t too bad. And he got plenty of kisses… and something more.

~

They kiss a lot when they’re alone, and Karkat had thought they were alone when he pulled John down by the back of his neck to press his lips against his. But they weren’t. 

Dave cleared his throat.

“What are you guys doing.” It doesn’t sound like he really wants to know.

Karkat looks at John accusingly, “You haven’t told him? Why the hell not?” And then there’s an anger in him that makes him keep talking, “you afraid he’ll stop being in love with you?” 

“No! I just didn’t want to hurt him!” He turns to Dave then, “I didn't want to hurt you…” 

“Hurt me?”

Karkat snorts meanly, and he knows he should shut up, but...“You just want to keep him where you can still have him.” It’s always felt a little true, but he doesn’t want it to be.

“Tell me what?” he ask John, already hurt.

“We’re dating,” Karkat interjects.

“Oh…

“No, John never told me,... Did you?” John’s unfairly tearing up because he’s been avoiding this moment for months and now it’s happening and it’s not at all like he had planned it going. Nothing about this is “breaking it gently”. Karkat is not helping.

He swallows hard. He has to say something. “Dave, I didn’t want to hurt you, because, well, I know how you feel about me and I just-”

“You just wanted to lead me on? Because by trying not to ‘hurt me’ you’ve hurt me pretty damn bad.” And his voice cracks. Karkat can’t help but stare because the ever so famously stoic Strider’s _voice cracked_.

He offers an awkward, “Shit man, I’m sorry-” but Dave puts a hand up to stop him. And then he leaves. He retreats back to his bedroom and slams his door leaving just John and Karkat. Again.

The atmosphere? Very different.

John is sniveling a bit and looking pathetic and Karkat is still mad at him, but he still wants to protect him so he’s not sure what to do. Kiss him? Kill him? Both?

“John.” He looks up, all red-eyed and pink-cheeked and _sorry_. “I don’t hate you and neither does Dave, we just feel kind of… well, used.” 

“I’m not using you I swear! I like you and he’s my best friend, I want to be with you, but I don’t... want to _lose_ him.”

“And you wouldn’t’ve if you’d just told the truth from the beginning. If he didn’t want to be your friend afterwards would he even be worth keeping as a friend? It’s the same with everyone else… I think we should start telling everyone.” Now is a good time to bring that up. Perfectly good timing.

Like a deer caught in headlights.

“What?”

“I can’t handle being in a secret relationship anymore. I thought I could, that you could kiss away the problem, but no self respecting human being should ever do that to themselves. If you don’t want to tell people then maybe we should just... stop.”

Stop what?

Stop dating?

Stop kissing?

Stop talking to each other?

John swallows hard, but nothing’s going down his dry throat.

Karkat shakes his head, and then slowly the rest of him is shaking too, “I can’t stand it.” And then he’s out the door and not looking back. He’s consumed by something hot and red and he can hear his blood in his head. It’s the beginning of March now, but it’s still cold outside.

And then his hand is being grabbed and someone’s yelling, “Karkat Vantas is my boyfriend!” 

It’s his idiot… boyfriend. It’s John. He came after him, he wasn’t giving up. He was fighting for him.

 _This is just like in the movies_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a shitty ending. haha omg who wrote that??? n-not meee *sweats* I had to smoosh the ending together bc I originally planned for a lot more time to pass, so of course it's still not perfect even after the end, because he and karkat have to work some things out still and Dave eventually forgives him (sorry I totally cut that storyline short) and even apologizes and like everyone ever is sorry about being so goddamn human and fucking things up so often. I also cut a lot of the angst and avoidance out bc too much time skipping was kind of a hassle. BUT HEY. It's over now. I can sleep easier. Thank you again for taking interest as, when it started, it was the first fanfiction I'd ever started writing and the people who read it gave me so much confidence and even though I don't love the work I did I _do_ love the people who read it very much! You guys honestly inspired me to not only try to keep working on this, but everything I've written since.


End file.
